My Vulnerable Story Correlating Emotions and Health

My Vulnerable Story Correlating Emotions and Health

My Personal Journey Towards Health and Healing

This is a very long post!

I have been going back and forth on whether or not to post this article today.  I didn’t want to write this post initially.  It would show a side of me, that even I didn’t want to look at for MANY years.  I am being extremely vulnerable with you all right now.   I have only shared this information with my husband, Scott and a few close friends (just recently).  I was also hesitant to disclose and share this information because there are family members that read my blog and I didn’t want to create drama, questions, etc.  I feel this insight is BIGGER than ALL of that.  I feel that if someone reading this can take one bit of inspiration and can help them on their own healing journey, then it is WORTH it!  Therefore, I am putting myself out on the line for the benefit of all of you and myself.

The IMPORTANCE and the benefits I have personally experienced from the healing (and continue to do so) has been great.   I said to my pride, ego, mixed feelings of what others might think – “F—- OFF!  This is bigger than you and others need to know about this connection, so that they can learn and be aware of emotions/ situations (unresolved or not) in their own lives, so that they have the opportunity and awareness to heal!”  Yes, I talk to myself. :)

Since I’ve been blogging, you’ve read where I discuss the mind-body connection in many posts/links.   The mind (our thoughts, beliefs, values, emotions) are deeply connected with our body (health, illnesses, physical appearance, manifested physical symptoms, how we present ourselves).  I have studied about this connection for many years and seen the correlation in my own life and health.  It has been a progressive journey and one that has taken a HUGE stand just in the past month even down to a few days ago.  As we heal emotional wounds, they heal in layers.  Well, just a few days ago, I had IMMENSE insight that I’ve always known (on some level), but it came in such a way that was incredibly healing, along with a technique that has been a blessing for this healing process.    What it all boils down to is that if there is a blockage, or disruption, in the energy system, whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, our ability to live a full life will be impeded.

So, with that preface, keep in mind the amazing power that our emotions/ emotional wounds have over our overall physical and mental health and wellness.   I share with you my most vulnerable story of my connection to emotions and health that have been with me for MANY years and how I have healed and continue to heal from it.  Please read with an open mind and heart.

Little did I know that several situations from my past would have such a huge impact on my overall health/ my thoughts and beliefs/ physical manifestations of ailments and so on.  Twice in my childhood (once when I was 7 or 8 yrs. old and then around 12 yrs. old), I had two male family members make sexual advances upon me.   I was too scared to say anything to anyone for the fear of not being believed and the overall shock of what just happened (did that really happen?!!!)  From the time that experience occurred, I mentally blocked it and locked all the emotions away in my subconscious for many, many years.   There were several other occurrences from the one relative that happened in the following years (not as direct) but definitely sexual and inappropriate.  Once, I did tell someone about one occurrence and they said “You’re making that up.  That’s not true!”  I stifled and shoved my emotions down further.

 

These two scenarios in the early stages of my life (just a little girl) cemented many physical symptoms in my body, thoughts and beliefs about myself and more.  It was just about 6 years ago that the memories started coming back and it was “Holy Shit!  That DID happen!”   What do I do with this now?  I started to slowly but surely work on myself.   I could see where all the self-rejection, lack of self-love, insecurity, lack of self-worth, disgust for body, anger, rage, etc. where starting to come from.  We heal and grow at a pace that is best for US and in the space/ time continuum for our own personal healing. 

I’ll break it down further to show you some of the mind-body connections that I have experienced and witnessed in my own healing.  I am 42 years Young and all through my teens, twenties and early thirties, I have had weight issues (my biggest during my  childhood years) and the weight has fluctuated thru out my life.   According to Louise Hay, weight issues (overweight) represents a need for protection.  We seek protection from hurts, slights, criticism, abuse, sexuality and sexual advances, running away from feelings, insecurity, and self-rejection; from a fear of life.  Fighting fat is a waste of time and energy.   Diets don’t work.  The minute you stop, the weight goes back up.  Loving and approving of yourself, trusting in the process of life and feeling safe because you know the power of your own mind, make up the best diet there is.  I have learned recently that when I am feeling insecure and not at ease, I will put on a few pounds. When the threat is gone and I have dealt with the emotions, the excess weight goes away by itself. Last month when a lot of emotions started to surface to be healed, I put on 5 pounds.   Once I acknowledged the connection and proceeded with the healing steps, the weight is falling off without any dietary changes – it was all emotionally related. 

I can look back on my life to date and see so many things about myself  such as emotional reactions (anger, rage, terror, insecurity, pain, loneliness, etc.), thoughts and beliefs of myself, physical appearance ( how I carried my body, how I dressed and presented myself – conservatively and dowdy at times so I wouldn’t stand out and be seen in a sexual or appealing way; I wouldn’t speak up b/c I thought no one would listen to me.  Wow!

The one connection I have been dealing with for the past month, even up to a few days ago, has been with my physical health in an area on my right side groin area.  This is where the man tried to slide his hands – see the connection yet?  I never really paid attention to it in the past (I’ve always been stiff and not flexible in that area), but since practicing yoga daily for about two months now, I have noticed an immense stiffness, inflexibility, pain and discomfort  when trying to get into some poses.  The left side not so much, but the right side – Yes!

I went to my holistic chiropractor over a week ago, thinking that the stiffness was due to being out of alignment – well, it was, just not how I thought.  He adjusted my body but he also does emotional energy clearing – I KNEW I was meant to be there that day!   When my mind and body are ready to heal and go to the next level, people show up in my life to assist me with just that.  It’s very cool!  The emotional issues he saw come up through the weak areas in my body were spot on with past traumas.  He did his clearing work and afterwards I felt a shift and release.  Since then, I have been able to go deeper into the emotions on my own thru a technique call EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).  I was able to see the  connection of “where the mans hand was on my leg” to the emotions where the pain/ stiffness reside in my body (as it has for many years).

This occurs ALL THE TIME in ALL OF US.  People have headaches, allergies, illnesses, etc.  Ask yourself  “Where are they stemming from?  Yes, sometimes there are outward, external triggers; however, they result from deeper, internal emotions not dealt with.  Many people carry around pain, anger, sadness, fear, insecurity, etc. all the time. The symptoms can vary immensely – from acne to cancer to a tickle in the throat, a pounding heart, sweating, clammy palms, a headache or an itch. It can manifest as a fear of heights, a phobia of spiders, water or open spaces. It can show up as a tendency to get cold, to feel depressed, to fall asleep or fidget. Or an addiction or negative tendency.  It takes tremendous energy to hold this kind of energy at bay, living and working as if everything is okay.  The physical body affects the emotions when nutritional deficiencies are in place, and when the emotions are out of balance, the physical body can exhibit nutritional deficiencies, hormonal imbalances, immune conditions, or dis-ease symptoms.  Until we uncover the source of the emotions and look at them only will the healing TRULY begin physically and mentally.

I have forgiven these men from my past and forgiven myself.  Forgiveness is the most important step in the healing process.  Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.  Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that we condone their behavior. The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person. The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting ourselves free from holding on to the pain. It’s simply an act of releasing ourselves from the negative energy.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing the painful behaviors or actions of another to continue in your life. Sometimes, forgiveness means letting go. You forgive them and release them. Taking a stand and setting healthy boundaries are often the most loving things you can do—not only for yourself, but for the other person as well. 

EFT or Tapping is a technique to allow forgiveness, love and self-acceptance into your life, so that you can be free of the things from your past that are holding you back. This has been a tremendous healing tool for me recently and I have had so much insight, clarity and growth with it.  I will do a separate post about this technique real soon, but for now go on over to Kris Carr’s site for more info. – research it yourself.  I was a bit skeptical at first, but It really works!!

 What we clear out of our bodies and mind (emotions) is KEY to clearing out of unhealthy choices we may make.  Then the love we have for ourselves, allows us to take in healthy healing through techniques and daily choices.  I am still healing.   However, with each layer , I welcome and heal from, my physical symptoms are going away and I have such PEACE in me that I have never experienced before and LOVE for myself that permeates from within outwardly to others.  It’s not just one layer of cleaning up ones diet (no more processed food, dairy, caffeine, etc.) and feeding our bodies with healthy choices of wholesome, fresh food ingredients – it is so much more.  It is cleaning out the old, unhealthy emotions so that the light within us came shine thru in ALL aspects of our life. The combination of working on emotions (internal work) along with healthy eating, exercise, chiropractic work, deep breathing, giving gratitude, visualization, etc. (outward work) HUGE strides in my health are observed.  I have seen this in other people and working with others too.  If I CAN DO IT – YOU, dear ones CAN DO IT TOO!

It is our own personal choice whether we allow these emotions to hold us back and keep us in darkness or to resolve them and grow into our higher selves in peace and happiness.  My healthy dietary lifestyle has done wonders for my health issues; however,  by emotionally letting go, forgiving and seeing that I am safe, protected, supported and loved has given me tremendous healing potential.  I am seeing and feeling the results already.  This didn’t happen overnight.  It occurred as I was ready emotionally to deal with it all.   In steps and stages. Currently, as I am writing this, I have had new insight and awareness of where certain feelings of loneliness and “not being heard” stem from.  Writing this for YOU has been healing for ME.

 

 

So, if you have experienced something traumatic in your life or even just a few small words from someone that has held you back for years, look deeper at your body and LISTEN.  Ask for guidance, awareness and insight to heal and grow.  The answers WILL come – thru articles you read, people will show up in your life at the perfect time – the signs are always around us.  We just have to be open with our hearts to experience with all our senses (sight, smell, touch, hearing).

With all this emotional cleansing, I have had the opportunity in letting go of who I thought I was and been given an opportunity to discover who I am and to become.  I am so grateful for the insight and awareness of this correlation for my healing.  I welcome this “digging deep” into emotions to deepen the connection within myself, to see my truth, to become even more real and more open.  I never stop learning or growing.  It is exciting to me – not always pretty mind you, but definitely worth it. Because I AM WORTH IT!  I LOVE and ACCEPT myself totally and completely now.  Therefore, I choose to do LOVING things for my mind, body and spirit.

When everything falls apart, it is an opportunity to look within and ascertain how you want to put it back together.  We have to have the courage and willingness to go there – to be real with ourselves, to open up and see the truth.  It can be scary and daunting, but when we are willing to go there – everything shifts.  The HEALING begins.  . Letting go of the drama and the story and becoming a seeker of your own truth is SO MUCH MORE FUN!   As Louise Hay says:  “You CAN heal your life for the Power is WITHIN YOU to heal.

Thank you for your time and patience to read my story.  May it help or assist you (or someone you know)  in some way on your journey to healing.  I am here to listen if you need to talk.   

Recommended reading:

Louise Hay:  ALL her books, but especially “You Can Heal Your Life” and “The Power is   Within You”

Marianne Williamson:  “A Return to Love”

Eckhart Tolle –  “A New Earth” and “The Power of Now”

For more healthy living and organic gardening tips, quick recipes, what I’m eating and inspirational quotes, LOVE me on Facebook and Subscribe to my YouTube Channel. Lots of fun stuff!

May the GREENS be with You! and Be Inspired!
Kibby

16 Responses »

  1. *clapping* BRAVO, girl BRAVO!!! I am proud of you. Keep up all that you do cause you are just PERFECT!!! Thank you for sharing your innermost fears, by sharing you make us ALL stronger!! ((HUGS))

  2. WOW Kibby you are SO brave to share this story with all of us. You are not alone and you have no idea how many people you will have helped with your story and just as importantly your road to recovery. You are an amazing and powerful teacher with so much to share that benefit the rest of us – thank you!

    • Christine, Thank you!! Talking with you last night on the phone helped me even more. I appreciate your new friendship and support and look forward to it growing and knowing you better. Much love and smiles!

  3. Thank you for sharing that. Many of us have had similar experiences and your story helped us to understand so much of our own unconscious reactions. Trust and forgiveness are powerful and very difficult journeys to accomplish.You have reached them and sharing helps us do the same.

  4. Kibby, thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life, i know this will help many people who don’t know how to help themselves. i know you have helped me and encouraged me more than you can know. i love you and am so very proud of you.

    • Darcey, your words of support and love brought tears to my eyes – I love you too! Thank you and I look forward to spending some more time with you soon. I loved going to the farmers market and Amish market with you last year – so much fun. :)

  5. Thank you so much for writing this, Kibby. I know how scary it is to make yourself vulnerable in such a public way. All I can say on this is that I can relate to similar experiences in my past. The sad part is, that a majority of women can. Thank you for writing about the healing process—it is really important to bear witness to the ability to be a survivor rather than a victim.

    • That’s why I wrote it to share because I know there are MANY others who experienced something similar and there is a way to heal from it. Thanks for sharing – we must support and encourage each other to heal, grow and thrive in a healing environment.

  6. Oh my goodness Kibby, BIG HUGS and so much love being sent to right now. You are so brave for opening up on such a personal topic. It is truly inspiring to read about your experience and see how you turned your life around. You are such a strong person and I know myself and others will draw on that so thank you :)

  7. I’m glad you shared this story with all of us Kibby, I know that it will help others look deep and grow. It was very gutsy and, I think necessary, to be able to completely heal. Sending you tons of LOVE, SUPPORT, and HUGS!!!

  8. Pingback: » Time for the Art of BEING Kibby's Blended Life

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